What I learned from “Courage to Grow”

Book Name: Courage to Grow – How Acton Academy Turns Learning Upside Down

Progress track: Book 1 of “A new journey to find out the genius in my kids and learn to grow with them”

One sentence summary of the book: Laura shared her journey from building a home school just for her kids Sam and Charlie, to start the Acton Academy movement of upside down learning of finding genius in each kid.

My learnings
This book is awakening. It is easy to read and also so enjoyable. I always find that education is such a serious and intimidate topic, such as history. I got burned from the wrong way of learning history in school, so I was always afraid of it. “Courage to Grow” makes education seems so much fun and full of challenge.

Back in 2008 when Laura and her husband Jeff decided to started to home schooling their sons, they were not imagining that they will revolutionize kids learning today and have over 100 Acton Academy around the world!

So what makes Acton Academy unique?

The beliefs.

Each kid is genius. It is on us to find out their unique genius and cultivate them. Education should not force the children to fit in, but let the children learn by their uniqueness.

The principles.

There are three principles that are embedded in the name of Acton Academy

First, trust the children. It is a truth that the Founding Fathers knew – that children need guardrails, mentors, and legitimate authority, and they could be trusted with far more responsibility than most school administrators today could imagine.

Then, let them struggle. Parents who persistently fall on the side of intervening for their child, as opposed to supporting their child’s attempts to problem-solve, interfere with the most important task of childhood and adolescence; the development of a sense of self.

And always, seize the adventure. Questions, curiosity, trust, and struggle – these are the ultimate traits of a real adventure. Acton Academy was more a quest to discover one’s greatest gifts and the grand wonders of the world than a “school”.

Since the dawn of human civilization, the great myth affirming life as an adventure of self-discovery has struck souls of all ages. Joseph Campbell’s work brought the truth behind this narrative to life. George Lucas and Disney have used it well. From Star Wars to The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast, their stories hinge on the truth that even young children are drawn to transformative questions:

  • Am I really a match for this task?
  • Can I overcome the dangers?
  • Who are my friends?
  • Do I have the courage and the capacity for the challenge before me?

Each of us is just an ordinary persons; but if we’re willing to say yes to new experiences and keep moving forward, even when it’s hard, it hurts, and it includes failure, then we are – all of us – heroes on a journey.

A hero is not someone who has super power, but somebody who stand up on where he/she fell down.

Each child in Acton Academy needs to be on a Hero’s journey. At the beginning of a school year, they need to announce their journey to their tribe and write a contract to themselves.

The method and mentors that the methods are based on.

When I was working in SAP, I learned that in 21st century, innovation is not about creating something out of nowhere, but bringing something existing and creating a new and better way to solve a problem or reach a goal. This is exactly how Acton Academy is working. Laura and Jeff identified a list of mentors and modeled the learning after them.

  • Socrates. Never answer a child’s question directly. Work with them to figure it out. That’s why there is no teacher, but guide in Acton Academy.
  • Thomas Jefferson. Our third president, and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence, believed in learning by doing. “Do you want to know who you are?” he asked. “Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.” At Acton Academy, the learnings is focused on doing, from the business fair for elementary school, to apprenticeship each year for middle and high school students.
  • Maria Montessori. Acton Academy is heavily modeling after Montessori in the sense of student self-direction, circle time, mixed age classrooms with the maximum of 36 children, and adult’s role as guide but not teacher.
  • Sugata Mitra. I was at TED event when Sugata received his 2013 TED Prize. In 1999, Sugata Mitra and his colleagues dug a hole in a wall bordering an urban slum in New Delhi, installed an Internet-connected PC and left it there, with a hidden camera filming the area. What they saw: kids from the slum playing with the computer and, in the process, learning how to use it — then teaching each other. These famed “Hole in the Wall” experiments demonstrated that, in the absence of supervision and formal teaching, children can teach themselves and each other — if they’re motivated by curiosity. Acton Academy embraces the minimally invasive education and also the latest technology driven learning.
  • Sal Khan. Lots of Acton learning, especially math, are all directly online courses from Khan Academy. Sal Kahn is also Laura and Jeff’s mentor when starting Acton Academy.
  • Laura and Jeff’s kids. It is our children who would teach us the most about learning.

Great quotes from the book.

One of my favorite lessons grew from answering a question posed to me by Socratic master teacher Steven Tomlinson, who asked “Would you rather be right or surprised?

I began this journey wanting to be right. I wanted formulas, answers, evidence. I even wanted report cards, test scores, and grades – some authority figure to tell me how I was doing.

I now am grateful to be surprised. With surprise comes a sense of wonder, a sense of risk and flying off into the unknown, ready to self-correct when needed. Embracing school as an experiment has meant we are all learners at Acton; there are no experts among us. There is a playful and fun yet deeply serious ethos that surrounds us each day, because we are bound by principles and purpose. We can be free to explore with a sense of stability in our questioning and questing.

Struggle will teach you the best things about yourself.

If children are given room to struggle and to figure things out on their own, and if they have support from a mentor, peer, or guide who knows them well and holds them accountable, they will learn more than we can imagine.

How can I make this kind of room? I must remember to step back. Wait to be surprised instead of right. Only then will I discover the wonderment of daily life.

It was the children who taught me how to be a parent. They were the ones who had the courage to grow

Here is the next book I am going to read. “The gifts of Imperfection“.

Start of a new journey

People always say that writing a book could be a long and painful journey. Surprisingly to me, writing my memoir “Two Dads and Three Girls” was natural and smooth. It is definitely not because my mastery of language. My husband Bryan still makes fun of my broken English every other day. I guess it is because that I was not writing just a book, I was writing my life – the pain, the struggle, the never-give-up, and the sad or happy memories.

The book came as an answer to Andrew Solomon’s call-to-action in his TED Talk “How the worst moments in our life make us who we are” .

“Go out and tell someone. There’s always somebody who wants to confiscate our humanity. And there are always stories that restore it. If we live out loud, we can trounce the hatred, and expand everyone’s lives.”

Watching Andrew’s talk every time made me tear up. I knew how far I have come from a confused straight boy in China to having a husband and three young daughters in Seattle.

I want to tell my story to help the people who are struggling with their sexuality because of their parents, or society, or religion. When all pointers are telling them that being gay isn’t an option, they need to know there’s hope if they have courage and love.

Looking back, in the past ten years, I was working on a journey to first coming out to myself and others, and then building a family with Bryan and our three daughters Phoebe, Hanalei, and Chelsie through surrogacy. In that journey, I was stumbling while thriving because I kept telling myself that there will be a way out, as long as I don’t lose hope.

Now, after finishing writing a book to summarize that part of life, I suddenly realized that I was given a task that I was not ready for – raising the three girls to the best I can.

Writing “Two Dads and Three Girls” made me relive the memories of Chinese education ecosystem – the stuffing the duck method, the non-stop comparison with your friends, and the game of memorizing the correct answers. Those are the things I hate the most, while ironically give me everything I have today.

Phoebe, Hanalei, and Chelsie will not go through the education system I experienced. But what is ahead of them? How can I be the best parent to give them the support and the freedom to be the best version of themselves?

The Alchemist” said that once you really want something and truly believe in it, the whole world will come to help you. This is so true! This is how I met Laura Sandefer!

I met Laura in a personal development retreat in Texas back in March 2019. Laura and her husband Steve founded Acton Academy back in 2008. Today, they had over 100 schools around the world!

QLM Retreat with a group of amazing people!
Meeting Laura after her talk at QLM Retreat

Laura gave a talk about her journey to starting Acton Academy as a home school with a single purpose to help her own kids Sam and Charlie to grow up to their full potential. In 10 years, they are revolutionizing the education industry by starting a movement.

In that talk, Laura talked about never killing a kids curiosity; always working with kids on finding answers instead of giving out one; learning by practicing; and letting the kids be on a Hero’s journey to fail and get up.

My eyes were tearing up. This is the answer that I have been looking for. A way of education not to let my children to fit in to, but let the system bring out the best of my children and make them feel a sense of belonging.

I was fired up. I devoured her book “Courage to Grow – How Acton Academy Turns Learning Upside Down“. I let it settled a little and then read it again during our family road trip to Utah in mid June.

Sitting on the co-pilot seat while Bryan was driving, looking at the road in front of us, I realized that this is a new Hero’s journey that I want to be on. My girls are 2, 2, and 3 years old. I want to learn and grow with them. I want to find the genius in each of them, to cherish them, and let them flourish. I want to help them be on their own Hero’s journey, fail and then get up to try again.

Finishing another reader of the book, thoughts cannot stop…

In the first chapter of “Two Dads and Three Girls“, I talked about the Vancouver night. I started a private blog called “Looking for My Way Out” right after that night in 2010 to document my journey of finding my true self. Right now, I plan to use this blog to document the journey of my learning and growing with my girls.

So where am I at now?

I re-read “Courage to Grow” three times in the past week. I bought almost all 28 books that Laura recommend to read. I plan to read one book a week and write down the learnings in this blog. Some books are huge, it may take two weeks. I hope these books can broaden my thoughts and make me a more informed parent.

While I read most books on Kindle now, I decided to choose paperback this time!

There will be one Acton Academy affiliate called Creator’s House opening in Seattle this fall. I met the founder Mike and school principal Moonjung already. Since they start with elementary school level, it will be a few years until my girls are ready. I plan to see whether I can volunteer there to learn more.

I should also keep my mind open and welcome any other methods of education. Bryan’s best friend Rob’s sister Andrea has been home schooling her kids for four years. We met them in Rob’s wedding in Cancun. Andrea’s kids are some of the brightest and well behaving kids that I have ever met. I had a call with Andrew this past week and learn about the method she followed is Charlotte Mason. I plan to have a day shadowing with her kids in late July to learn more.

That’s my thoughts so far. I know I am on a Hero’s journey, which means that I will fail. But as Laura said – hero is not who has super power, but is who can stand up from where she/he fails!