Start of a new journey

People always say that writing a book could be a long and painful journey. Surprisingly to me, writing my memoir “Two Dads and Three Girls” was natural and smooth. It is definitely not because my mastery of language. My husband Bryan still makes fun of my broken English every other day. I guess it is because that I was not writing just a book, I was writing my life – the pain, the struggle, the never-give-up, and the sad or happy memories.

The book came as an answer to Andrew Solomon’s call-to-action in his TED Talk “How the worst moments in our life make us who we are” .

“Go out and tell someone. There’s always somebody who wants to confiscate our humanity. And there are always stories that restore it. If we live out loud, we can trounce the hatred, and expand everyone’s lives.”

Watching Andrew’s talk every time made me tear up. I knew how far I have come from a confused straight boy in China to having a husband and three young daughters in Seattle.

I want to tell my story to help the people who are struggling with their sexuality because of their parents, or society, or religion. When all pointers are telling them that being gay isn’t an option, they need to know there’s hope if they have courage and love.

Looking back, in the past ten years, I was working on a journey to first coming out to myself and others, and then building a family with Bryan and our three daughters Phoebe, Hanalei, and Chelsie through surrogacy. In that journey, I was stumbling while thriving because I kept telling myself that there will be a way out, as long as I don’t lose hope.

Now, after finishing writing a book to summarize that part of life, I suddenly realized that I was given a task that I was not ready for – raising the three girls to the best I can.

Writing “Two Dads and Three Girls” made me relive the memories of Chinese education ecosystem – the stuffing the duck method, the non-stop comparison with your friends, and the game of memorizing the correct answers. Those are the things I hate the most, while ironically give me everything I have today.

Phoebe, Hanalei, and Chelsie will not go through the education system I experienced. But what is ahead of them? How can I be the best parent to give them the support and the freedom to be the best version of themselves?

“The Alchemist” said that once you really want something and truly believe in it, the whole world will come to help you. This is so true! This is how I met Laura Sandefer!

I met Laura in a personal development retreat in Texas back in March 2019. Laura and her husband Steve founded Acton Academy back in 2008. Today, they had over 100 schools around the world!

Laura gave a talk about her journey to starting Acton Academy as a home school with a single purpose to help her own kids Sam and Charlie to grow up to their full potential. In 10 years, they are revolutionizing the education industry by starting a movement.

In that talk, Laura talked about never killing a kids curiosity; always working with kids on finding answers instead of giving out one; learning by practicing; and letting the kids be on a Hero’s journey to fail and get up.

My eyes were tearing up. This is the answer that I have been looking for. A way of education not to let my children to fit in to, but let the system bring out the best of my children and make them feel a sense of belonging.

I was fired up. I devoured her book “Courage to Grow – How Acton Academy Turns Learning Upside Down“. I let it settled a little and then read it again during our family road trip to Utah in mid June.

Sitting on the co-pilot seat while Bryan was driving, looking at the road in front of us, I realized that this is a new Hero’s journey that I want to be on. My girls are 2, 2, and 3 years old. I want to learn and grow with them. I want to find the genius in each of them, to cherish them, and let them flourish. I want to help them be on their own Hero’s journey, fail and then get up to try again.

In the first chapter of “Two Dads and Three Girls“, I talked about the Vancouver night. I started a private blog called “Looking for My Way Out” right after that night in 2010 to document my journey of finding my true self. Right now, I plan to use this blog to document the journey of my learning and growing with my girls.

So where am I at now?

I re-read “Courage to Grow” three times in the past week. I bought almost all 28 books that Laura recommend to read. I plan to read one book a week and write down the learnings in this blog. Some books are huge, it may take two weeks. I hope these books can broaden my thoughts and make me a more informed parent.

There will be one Acton Academy affiliate called Creator’s House opening in Seattle this fall. I met the founder Mike and school principal Moonjung already. Since they start with elementary school level, it will be a few years until my girls are ready. I plan to see whether I can volunteer there to learn more.

I should also keep my mind open and welcome any other methods of education. Bryan’s best friend Rob’s sister Andrea has been home schooling her kids for four years. We met them in Rob’s wedding in Cancun. Andrea’s kids are some of the brightest and well behaving kids that I have ever met. I had a call with Andrew this past week and learn about the method she followed is Charlotte Mason. I plan to have a day shadowing with her kids in late July to learn more.

That’s my thoughts so far. I know I am on a Hero’s journey, which means that I will fail. But as Laura said – hero is not who has super power, but is who can stand up from where she/he fails!